I've officially made up my mind...

Good News first: I talked to the financial aid office on campus and they said that they'll defer my student laon and so I don't have to pay it off until I get back from the misison.

Bad News second: So I went into Intermountain Staffing and signed up with them, but then they wanted me to go into Icon at 5:30 a.m. on wednesday and so I told them that would be impossible since I have no car and the buses don't drive around that early. Pretty much they just said to come check with them again in a few days, so I have just been job hunting still since that could happen alot and then I'd only get 15 hours a week. Most definately not enough hours to make $5000.00 by the summer when I leave. So it finally got to the point that I didn't know where to go and apply or anything, since subbing with the school district is full. And I talked to some people at the summer cleaning job I had and they sound like they just hired new people. So yeah, I finally decided that I had to resort to going and talking to the DI people since that would be my best bet. Well, as the story goes I went into DI and the lady I would have liked to have talked to was in a meeting so I had to talk to this guy I didn't know. So I explained that I had worked there before and just needed a job while waiting to go on a mission...you'd think they would be understanding of that since it's church run. But he was like "oh, well you can apply again but we have a waiting list so it might take a month or more for you to get back on." Yeah, I left basically devastated and normally I'm not a crier but I walked out the door and started crying my little eyes out because that was my last option. I guess other then Wal-Mart, because I've honestly applied at every single job on the job board that isn't like a TA for some math class that I've never taken and stuff like that. But everything that has applied and such I've tried at and have heard nothing back at the majority of the jobs. So I walked out crying and suddenly remembered that I'd be getting on the bus in the next five minutes so I had to hurry and pretend like that I was just fine. So anyways at that point I was just like "I can't go on a mission if I don't have a job like soon and that is simply all there is to it unless I borrow every last cent from the Myton Second ward which I can't do. But of course I knew that I would be going, so decided that it would have to work out somehow but it might take moving the availability date on the papers back a couple of months or so."

Last night I went to my mission prep class and the teacher started talking about how as soon as you make up your mind to go on a mission satan will try to stop you at every cost from going. So this girl in the class started telling us about her brother and how he had his call and everything. But right at the exact same time their Grandma died, then their mom broke her hip, and all this other stuff. So he started wondering if he should really go, but then he did since he had the call and everything. So the main point of this was that satan will try to stop you at every cost to not go and as our teacher said "just make sure you move forward in going no matter what". Suddenly right then and there it just hit me like a brick that satan is honestly trying to stop me from going and that is all there is to it. That would explain why I'm suddenly depressed everyday and just want to give up by just sitting in my apartment reading, rather then going out applying for jobs in a crashed economy. And so I suddenly knew that I'm supposed to turn the papers in on February 3, for some reason and so that is exacally what I'm going to do. No sooner and no later then that is what I'm going to do...although I have no clue as to how I'm going to start up insurance if I haven't gotten any pay checks by February 3, but I'm sure it'll work out.

Then last night after institute and going to the Joseph Smith movie at the Kent Concert hall I still was rather frusterated and upset. And so the Joseph Smith lesson manual from the last two years of priesthood/relief-society just happened to be sitting there by my bed. So I picked it up and started reading chapter two, and when I was reading I ran across where Joseph Smith was trying to figure out why he was getting so much persecution when he was just telling the truth. And so anyways he ended up saying something along the lines that he learned at a early age that satan knew that he was going to be an "annoyer and disturber to his kingdom" and so that's why the persecution continued. And suddenly right then and there I realized that by going on a mission I like Joseph Smith (not quite as dramatic mind you) would be an "annoyer and disturber" to satans kingdom and that's why he's trying so very hard to stop me from going on a mission. So I have determined that no matter what I will not be decieved by satan...!

Well, today I went over to this interview at a preschool which is more of subbing when the head teachers are gone. But I went in and did the interview and just happened to find out when I got there that I knew the director of the preschool. And so I did the interview and they offered me the job right then and there, I know there is always the thing about how you should tell them that you want to think about it. But I absolutely need the job and so I took it, and after I left I concluded that since they said they were covered next week and I probably won't get on for another week and a half that I should still apply at jobs and see if anyone gets back with me. Because there could be a better job then just subbing, since that isn't an everyday thing, so I'll wait and see and if anything better does come up then I'll just tell them that I changed my mind because I got a better job.

Anyways I would try to get with Intermountain Staffing tomorrow but I got a message on facebook from a friend saying that she's going to the Ogden temple tomorrow morning so I'm going to go with her. Maybe it's a bad idea since I do need money at the moment, but possibly I'll get some new ideas as to where to apply when I'm there...never know! And she sounds like she wants to apply at the census job, and we have to do it in Ogden so we might stop by there too.